So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
