That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
