Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
