Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
