and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We left the knife in your bed.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
