my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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