Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
