Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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