We won't sleep together?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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