do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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