Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
