he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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