i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
