I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
