another moral hangover. fuck.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
