6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
