You're a womanizer and a bitch.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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