I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
