I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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