Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
this will be a night to untag.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
