Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
