College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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