..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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