in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
