My room smells like vodka and shame
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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