smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
