Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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