They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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