does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Houston, we have a squirter
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
