No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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