i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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