Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize