So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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