Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
