This is not my ceiling
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
