the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Come share oat with me in your robe
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
