You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
