I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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