U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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