My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
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Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
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Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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