Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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