I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
