my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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