i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
