My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize