Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
