I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
