Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Do vagina's smell?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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