I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
