It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
