why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
