we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
