I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
