Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
