can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
