It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I came so hard my ears popped.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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