he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
