Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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