With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I want to fling myself into the sun
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
