she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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