I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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