I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He passed out mid-signature
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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