Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
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The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
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It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It happened again.
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet