I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent