I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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