I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers