Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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