I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize