I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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