The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
