apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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