my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
