And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
